At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
