Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your dad touched me again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
