I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
