I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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