We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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