...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
