i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
