I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
