I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
