shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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