got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
