I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
