Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
