when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
