My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
