i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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