I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
