peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
