My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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