you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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