Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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