The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You may now shotgun with the bride
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
