tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
