You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so let's talk penis.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
