WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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