Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
