the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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