So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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