3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
