Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
