did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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