it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
