I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
