I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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