he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
