apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
