My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think my moral compass just broke
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