my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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