I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could fuck to npr.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
