I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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