I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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