my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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