Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
