Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
