You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
