Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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