I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
