yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
