Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
