Screwed.edu
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
